Some

I don't know if any of y'all follow soccer. But it is Euro Cup time in Europe. Turkey is in and last weekend they had an incredible win over Czech Republic, scoring 3 goals in something like 16 minutes. Now they are in the quarterfinals. But you have never seen such joy. People were in the streets honking and chanting for hours. It was amazing. Here's hoping they can beat Croatia.

"For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them....I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some." 1 Corinthians 9: 19-22
I shortened that due to time constraints. But I love those verses. Especially here, especially now. "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save SOME." Save some. I once heard a story of a man who spent something like 60 years in the far east. In that time he saw one person come to Christ. He said he would do it again, for the one man. When I heard that story it stirred something in my heart. I want to be like that. I want my heart to be like that. I want to become all things to all people, becoming a servant to all, that by doing so, by becoming a servant, some might be saved. Not everyone. I would love it if that were the case, don't get me wrong, that would be amazing, but of course that is not going to be the case. We are spreading the fragrance of Christ, and that smells of death to some.
Patience has never been my strong suit. When we continue to work and see no fruit or very little it gets frustrating. There is the parable of the seed sower, he went out and threw seed everywhere. It feels like here there are only rocks and thorns. Sure, we have taken the first step, we went out and threw, but nothing seems to happen. In the words of Tom Petty "Some times I get down to the end of the day and stop, ask myself why I done it. You know it just seems so empty to have to work so hard and nothing ever really seems to come from it." But of course I know this is not the case. It is not empty and it is not fruitless. Romans says "For everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. But how are they to call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have not never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?" And that is all it is. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians: "For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross be emptied of its power."
Perhaps this is one reason I am feeling the way I feel at times. Emptying the cross of its power by trying to find some eloquent words.
It is hard for me because so often what I am doing, at the end of the day, is reduced to statistics and probabilities. The rationale behind this has been explained to me, and I see some validity in it, but when I stop and think I realize how hard it is to love a number or a percentage. While my heart desires to do nothing without love it feels as though love is becoming harder and harder to come by as so many days pass of throwing seed into what seems like thorns and rocks. But I am here, and that is what matters I think. Seed being scattered, if that is my only role in all of this then that is enough. I, when I was deciding to come here, prayed to God and told Him I would gladly toil in anonymity if that was where I would best be used. So if I never see fruit or harvest time, if every day for the next 4 weeks is scattering seed and moving on, waiting and praying for the power of the cross to sprout something, waiting for that aroma to smell of life to someone, if that is my calling then so be it.
I am learning more and more that I have no control. That is evident in a very practical sense when I am in a culture I do not know, a place I do not know, with a language I do not speak. It humbles me and makes me recognize that so often I like to know everything, to find comfort in that. But God is still a mystery. His plans, they are hidden from my eyes, and I am thankful for that. All I can do is lean on him and know He is good.
Until again.
-Tory