Today we went to the Turkish Bath. Now if anyone asks me if I have ever been manhandled by a large Turkish man, I can honestly say that I have. On that note....
I have been terrible talking about anything God has been teaching me. That is not to say He has not been teaching me things, but perhaps they are just slightly less tangible than would lend themselves to be easy material to write about. At least this is my present excuse.
But God has completely been impressing it on my heart to love more. I touched on this a bit in an earlier post, but love has become the central theme of my summer.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove a mountain, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
This is the verse that is hounding my thoughts every minute of the day as I am here. It is a theme that digs itself into the very core of me. Look at that verse. If I have not love, then it doesn't matter what I do, all gifts apart from love are nothing. All actions apart from love gain nothing. I so desire to be more than a clanging gong and a noisy cymbal. I desire faith that moves mountain, but I recognize that even if I had that faith, but had not love, then I AM NOTHING. If I were to give my life up for what I believe, what I am living for, but have not love, then it accomplishes nothing, I gain nothing.
This is hard for me because it is difficult for me to love. I can love to some extent, sure, but in the very deepest part I am oftentimes more motivated by devotion or obligation than love. I could do all manners of miracles, see millions believe, but if I do not have love then it is nothing.
God loves us so deeply, it is written in every inch of creation throughout all of history. His patience, His grace, His provision, all of it spells out so clearly the love He has for us. Yet I do not love with a heart like that. I want to.
I love God, and therefore I am doing things He commands. But I do not think that is good enough. I want to love him wholly, with such passion that my heart beats in tune with His. That my heart would break at what breaks His. That when I look around I would see the world and all those in it exactly as He does and with such love that I cannot contain it. I want to know that love more in my life so that I am filled to the point of bursting and then overflow with that love towards all the people around me.
I do not want to be a clanging cymbal, making noise of no consequence or impact. I want a heart that breaks, and that scares me a bit because that heart is going to know pain. Sometimes I pray for brokenness. Then God answers and while I am broken I can't imagine why I ever would have asked for this. I get upset. In the end He puts me back together, but to ask for brokenness is hard because it involves being broken. To ask for a heart in tune with God's, a heart that breaks for the world, that is terrifying. Because I know He will answer if I ask out of sincere love. And I know if He gives it to me then my heart will be breaking and that is not pleasant. But I also know that more than anything I want to learn to love, better and more fully.
If you would be praying for me, that I might learn to love more like Christ, I would greatly appreciate that.
If I have not love, I gain nothing.
If I have not love, I AM NOTHING.
God, teach me to love like you.
1 comment:
Tory, I very much appreciate the way you seek after God's love. I remember you sharing these thoughts during our prayer time. As I have struggled some with love recently, your pursuit has been in my mind as an example of someone who I can run alongside in the same direction. I hope this encourages you as your deep longing to have God transform you has encouraged me.
Post a Comment