It's Going To Be Gone Soon

I will be at home in one week from today (travel conditions willing). This thought is insane. I am scared. See, for a while I have been down, or something like down, and I was trying to figure out why. The answer is, as usual, people, and for a while I though I was simply sad that I was going to be going home and missing people. Sadly, I think the answer is more depressing and scary. I am afraid I am not going to miss anyone. I am afraid that the emotion I feel right now, that when I have been home for a day or a week that it will all fade. That the names and faces will evoke memory but no emotion. If this is the case then what does it matter. How can I ever trust my emotions? If this happens then what is there to show any of this happened or mattered? Then I take this to another level. If the emotions for the people aren't real, what if everything I've felt this whole time is nothing but a product of the environment. What if none of it is real? What if I go home and it is like the past seven weeks never happened? Next step farther, a bit more sad. I am afraid it will work in reverse. That when I say goodbye, when my plane takes off, I will not be missed, maybe not forgotten, but not really remembered. Relegated to, not quite oblivion, but something near enough to it to scare me. I have said before I would rather people hate me than forget me. That seems incredibly sad to me, but there it is.
So as I sit here with time winding down, praying that there was some significance to it all. Praying it mattered. Praying that deep down something truly has changed, that what I feel is real, that there is some validation to everything. I sit and try to think on something I heard in a movie and put it into practice. The movie is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The movie is about a man trying to forget a woman, and it tracks through his memories of her as they are being erased. As they get to the end, to the first memory, of when they met the memory begins with her saying "This is it. It's going to be gone soon. What do we do."
He responds "Enjoy it."
Not cling to it. Not worry about it. Not dwell on what we've lost or what could have been. But enjoy it. The here and now knowing it must end and not letting that ruin it. I just want to enjoy it.
We'll see.